Oops.

Oh shit man! I'm working with this other bass player and I gave him that date by accident. I'm so sorry about the mix up. I hope you understand man.

A different take on tipping

  A few days ago I played a duo gig at a nice upscale bar on the east side of Manhattan. As is becoming more and more rare these days, the gig payed well for the amount of time we played, and we were given dinner and drinks to our heart's content. The staff was appreciative, friendly, and accommodating; as is the norm we left a tip after dinner to show our appreciation. I was somewhat taken aback when it was returned to us. "You guys are working just as hard as we are", was the explanation.

   It is my natural inclination to tip servers for drinks and/or meals at venues where I perform. Most of us musicians are prone to tipping, even when we are only given a small discount or, worse yet, are given nothing at all (except for the honor of playing a venue that bands are on a several month-long waiting list to play at). On a recent gig at the Living Room, I played an hour long, well rehearsed set  to a packed house and walked away with $20, that being after the bandleader contributed out of his own pocket. I was allowed 1 free beer for my services, and thus walked out with $19, lest I be looked at as an asshole. I think it's fair to assume that the bartender who accepted my Washington made at LEAST three times what I did during that hour, thanks to people who were listening to a set that, when all is said and done, took about 6 hours of my time.

   And so, I tip. I'll continue to tip. But it certainly begs the question; when is the last time that you, as a musician, were tipped by a server at the venue in which you played for next to nothing?

The gigs... they done failed.

And all in the space of a week.

  "I'm about to throw you a curveball; we have to postpone the recording session." 2 weeks before. Not terrible I suppose - but of course enough time to not replenish the gig I turned down at the same time.

   Gig cancelled because the songwriter, paying by the door, decided that the gig couldn't happen without a minimum of 4 rehearsals, 3 hours each.  Doing the math, as I tend to do, it paid approximately $1.75 an hour, generously assuming a payment of $25. Next...

   Rehearsal. 5 hours. 16 songs. Charts put on ipad. Notes made. Singer gets sick. Gig gets "postponed hopefully to a date we can all make".  And of course, as of now,  it's a date that I can't make.

   Gig in the West Village on Halloween. Had to bring my own amp, wheeling it through 5 blocks of total chaos. Played for nearly 3 straight hours, that being the single longest set I've ever played in my life. Someone was kind enough to pay our bar tab, of which my portion was $4.50 - though you'll be happy to know I wouldn't have paid it anyway. We made that shitty club about 20 times what our bar tab was by not taking a break. That's a conservative estimate.

Outdoor gig at 9:30 am. 45 degrees with drizzle. Uncovered stage. No gear provided, despite being in an area nearly impossible to drive to at that time. I can't really complain because I left my gear in the singer's car from the gig described previously, which he kindly drove to this event.  It's still in his car because the gig that I would've used it for during the time that I write this masterpiece was cancelled. More on that shortly.

  Recording session for an independent film. Same day. This one should really have it's own chapter;

   Hey, so it'll take either a half hour or 7 hours depending on whether or not people have their shit together. 
   It started with what was to be me being picked up on Broadway and Canal Street. So I go to Broadway and Canal Street.
   Change of plans - take the 7 train in Queens to the end and you'll be picked up there instead. Leave as soon as possible. Like, right now.
    I chug my beer and stuff my $20 lunch down my throat; yup, on Broadway and Canal, lunch costs $20 (not including the beer). An hour later, I arrive at the last stop on the 7 train. 20 minutes later I get picked up. 4 hours after that, I take my instrument out of its case. All for 1 song. I'm going to hold the production company to the extra $2.50 I had to spend on an extra subway ride, nevermind the fact that it added an extra hour and a half to the session. It's questionable whether or not I will get it.

   So after all this, a last minute gig comes up tonight, at the time of this entry. A fun one, a remedy for this trainwreck of a week, mostly winging some fun tunes, no rehearsal, but 7 tunes to check out, via Youtube links. We love Youtube links. So I save the Youtube videos as mp3's (yup, I'm that slick), make a playlist, write charts - and of course it was not to be; 4 hours before the gig, the club cancelled because it was having problems. Wouldn't you know it, the same club that had me bring my own gear on the busiest night of the year, and charged a bar tab after playing 3 straight hours.

And there you have it - a week in the life of a gigfail scrabooker. Stay tuned for the next entry - the only thing that stops the gigfail scrapbook are gigs that don't fail. See you soon.

"Do you ever worry that someone might mistake that for a couch?" The 15 dumbest upright bass comments

Barely scratching the surface, but here are some we doghouse aficionados all know and love, and perhaps a few newbies. I've undoubtably missed many, feel free to add - as if we need more. 

Wow, that's a big guitar you got there.

Don't you wish you played the flute?

Is that a cello?

My son plays the cello.

My son plays the violin.

Can you spin that around while you play?

Boom boom ba doom doom doom...

Whatcha got, a body in there?

Do you play the bass?

You have to play Linus and Lucy with the piano player!

What do you call that instrument?

What would happen if that fell down the stairs?

How do you fit that in your car?

Wow, that thing's bigger than you!

The CMJ Showcase

I give up. I had to look it up. I've played this thing dozens of times, gone to countless extra rehearsals, and washed extra shirts despite only having a total of 3. 

What the hell is the CMJ showcase?

Surely it is a chance to showcase your talents, to meet important people in the industry, to make connections, to get swept up by a label. Surely the standard of quality of bands and songwriters that play in venues for the door or for tips increases when said venues book 10 acts a night instead of 7. A gig for the CMJ showcase is more than just a typical gig in New York City - allow me to elaborate:

The CMJ Music Marathon is the world’s most important platform for the discovery of new music. Every fall, CMJ invades New York City with over 1,300 artist performances, filling more than 80 of the city’s greatest venues, nightclubs and theaters.

Attendees have access to 1,400+ artist performances, plus hundreds of panels, seminars, Q&As, nighttime parties, meet and greets, mixers and special events.

Over 120,000 fans, entertainment industry professionals, college radio tastemakers, bloggers, press and musicians come from around the world to join us for the Marathon madness.

Should you choose to take part, note that you can register to save off the full $549 price of admission - never mind the fact that most of the venues charge a cover that is in the single digits. Yes, zero is a single digit too. It is the cover for a show I will be playing next week, following the conclusion of the CMJ showcase, leaving me to wonder; what if that show was 3 days earlier?

Epic Wedding Gigfail, edited for... your pleasure. Sure, let's go with that.

It was a typical drive up to the gig I suppose. I only left 20 minutes late, still on track to get there, ready and set up 2 or so hours early. But there would be no leisurely setup. No soundcheck. No quick rehearsal of the requests for parent dances, first dances, last dances...
   On the way to the gig, our keyboardist received a rather urgent call to be at the wedding ceremony within the hour, because they needed music. How about that; music for a wedding ceremony. However, planning out the drive with the anticipation that the entire band wouldn't be present until at least 2 hours after the scheduled time, he had taken an extended lunch detour. Sensible enough. So then, I got the call that I smelled from miles away. 

 "So... things got moved around. I need you to do something heroic". And by "heroic", that meant laying down my lead foot to arrive (at best) 15 minutes before the ceremony, get dressed, set up my rig, and play the wedding ceremony on solo electric bass. Oh - and somewhere in there, learn the music requested by the couple. Oh, modern technology: 

I mean - does it really matter that I also have to get changed and wheel my gear around a large building on grassy hills, having to pick up my speaker cab about 5 times when it fell off because I didn't have time to attach the bungee cords to my cart, and explain to the man in charge that things might not quite go according to plan? Nevermind the fact that Youtube videos are beyond slow to download in rural areas (and that those uploaded using the Vevo service don't usually play on phones anyway), or that the links to either a-z tab or ultimateguitar.com tab might not quite show me what the song actually sounds like? And that the remaining 2 minutes that I had after being dressed and set up may not quite allow me to learn 4 songs* in this, or any manner?


 Of course not. 

 "Oh... that's a bass! So are you going to be able to play the songs we requested? Well, can you at least play here comes the bride?"

Here Comes the Bride it is - as it has never been heard before and (with all hope), never to be heard again. 

*not all 4 links can fit in one screen shot. Author apologizes for any confusion. 

How to get people to play your gig. No, really...

 
  I'm going to be doing the long standing Blues Jam at (venue) once a month. But I'm going to put a twist on it. It's going to be called Dan Asher's Blues Bootcamp. The purpose is for the older cats to hang and jam with the younger cats. The house band will change every month. It doesn't pay for shit. I'm going to use a 4 piece unit as usual for a house band. Of course my guys either DARocks or DABlues will get priority. But for as little bread as it is I can't imagine them wanting to do it every month. It will also give me an opportunity to jam with some young cats and share the experience of playing the blues. If you are interested in doing the house band gig, please join this group. I'll select cats from this group. We will also have one unpaid guy in the houseband preferably a younger or less experienced player. YOU MUST BE WILLING TO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE USE YOUR GEAR!!!!