Epic Wedding Gigfail, edited for... your pleasure. Sure, let's go with that.

It was a typical drive up to the gig I suppose. I only left 20 minutes late, still on track to get there, ready and set up 2 or so hours early. But there would be no leisurely setup. No soundcheck. No quick rehearsal of the requests for parent dances, first dances, last dances...
   On the way to the gig, our keyboardist received a rather urgent call to be at the wedding ceremony within the hour, because they needed music. How about that; music for a wedding ceremony. However, planning out the drive with the anticipation that the entire band wouldn't be present until at least 2 hours after the scheduled time, he had taken an extended lunch detour. Sensible enough. So then, I got the call that I smelled from miles away. 

 "So... things got moved around. I need you to do something heroic". And by "heroic", that meant laying down my lead foot to arrive (at best) 15 minutes before the ceremony, get dressed, set up my rig, and play the wedding ceremony on solo electric bass. Oh - and somewhere in there, learn the music requested by the couple. Oh, modern technology: 

I mean - does it really matter that I also have to get changed and wheel my gear around a large building on grassy hills, having to pick up my speaker cab about 5 times when it fell off because I didn't have time to attach the bungee cords to my cart, and explain to the man in charge that things might not quite go according to plan? Nevermind the fact that Youtube videos are beyond slow to download in rural areas (and that those uploaded using the Vevo service don't usually play on phones anyway), or that the links to either a-z tab or ultimateguitar.com tab might not quite show me what the song actually sounds like? And that the remaining 2 minutes that I had after being dressed and set up may not quite allow me to learn 4 songs* in this, or any manner?


 Of course not. 

 "Oh... that's a bass! So are you going to be able to play the songs we requested? Well, can you at least play here comes the bride?"

Here Comes the Bride it is - as it has never been heard before and (with all hope), never to be heard again. 

*not all 4 links can fit in one screen shot. Author apologizes for any confusion.